Hey Everyone! I know its been awhile. I've been busy trying to push my career as forward as I can. Having a few set backs but realistically nothing ever comes easy. Today's topic is back to addiction yet again. Mostly because its all I hear in the news, see around me, and hearing of friends still destroying their lives with them.
Its been brought to my attention that Ohio is actually one of the top three worst places where you find heavy pill poppers and heroin users. Scary when you your trying to raise your family here and constantly worrying what if your kids just hangs out with the wrong person because that will be all that it takes.
I was even driving home last night and stopped at a gas station to get some water and a pack of cigs and pulled up right next to me was a young girl, maybe early twenties shooting up in her car. What are you supposed to do with that? Why do people harm themselves just to feel high? Life is hard on everyone but these drugs are illegal for a reason. We are all brought into this world for a purpose and to be a contributing member of society. When you get stuck in drugs you lose family, friends, work, and possibly the only place you ever called home. How is that high sensation worth all of that?
I've heard people say that its too hard to stop because they get so sick so they would rather continue to use and do more personal damage along with life damage instead of suffering a week of throwing up. Its pathetic an sad.
I lost my best friend to heroin. She is still technically alive but to me she is dead. Sad...frustrating....so angry. I was cleaning out my office the other day and was going through pictures and this old notebook we kept in high school reading how silly we were and which boy we were in love with then. Seeing the picture of us just being happy. Its been so many years that I even seen her happy. She got wrapped up with the wrong people at the wrong time and now she is stuck in a world she still selectively chooses to be in. Lost all of her kids, some of her family, some of her friends and still goes on with using. She thinks I hate her and I that's why I don't want anything to do with her but that is all the blindness of the life of drugs.
I would have done anything for this girl. I tried to even adopt her kids when she first got caught using so they wouldn't have been lost in the system. Year after year I tried to help. Had her live with me to help her get clean. Supported another stupid boy relationship stuck herself in and just tried to be there for her. I did everything I could to show she wasn't alone without showing tolerance to her behavior. I cried for her. I prayed for her. I was so exhausted of all the pain and disappointment I had to separate myself from her. She would lie to me and then apologize. Its was a never ending cycle. It is her right to chose to use drugs over family, friends, and most importantly her children. To me, as a mother I will never understand that. Harming yourself is harming your kids and that shows you have not right to be a parent ever. You can never be selfish when you become a parent. Never. Your kids come first. That is what our parents did for us. At least mine did anyways. I wasn't being enabled when I made mistakes. I was taught lessons and my parents made sure I learned them. Now, I'm pushing that philosophy on my kids. I want the best for them so I have to give them the best of me and show a great example. I have my bad days yes, but damn it I have great kids.
I hate hearing those about those stuck on drugs or shooting up. I'm truly sick of it. Medications are to help heal and to help those that are sick to become better. Its not because you had a bad fucking day.
I will say this though.... I miss her and still think of her often. I have though protected myself from the pain from her. I just wish this never happened to her and that she was still in my life.
I guess this was more of a vent than a lesson. I'll write about some other medications next. Promise. :)
