February 20th 2022
Today’s thoughts are brought to you all by Brianna Wiest: Author
of the book called, “101
ESSAYS that will CHANGE the way YOU THINK.” Well, she has done her job. My
highlighter has almost half of what I read so far. I figured I would take the
opportunity to grab some of the things I highlighted to go more in depth with
as in my understanding whether you care to read about it or not. I write for me.
It seems to be the only effective way that I can deal with my own shit.
Okay so first section I came across where I was in need to
start highlighting. It was on page 15. Just mentioning the statement “You needlessly create problems and
crisis in your life because you’re afraid of actually living it…”
Mere seconds between the absorption of each individual word
and I’m in an instant #WTF mode. So, some of the first thirty thoughts was
myself thinking that this is totally me. Next, I get to the point where I’m mad
at myself if I am and then next hundred thoughts consist of, how I can even be
afraid to live when all I want to do is live??? Live as me. No restraints. Free.
So inevitably I’ll fall down the rabbit hole even knowing of
the insanity that unwinds is on forever repeat. Luckily this is still the
beginning of the book. Another plus is that in chapter 84 there will be a How
to think for yourself: An 8-step Guide. There really is. Just not that far
into it yet.
This book has come around at the perfect time for me, I
guess. I’ve been trying to deal with all the stuff I refuse to deal with
because well, it hurts. I don’t like pain. But the timing on my perception of
the world is that I know now if I want to get better, got to deal with ALLLLLLL
the shit. Pain does fade.
So today, I miss my Mom. So I listened to some Tom Petty. His
music makes me think of her since she surprised me with the concert one night.
It was a great night. I still remember the people sitting next to me. They were
a much older couple. Like Grandma had on a Worlds Best Grandma sweater. As soon
as Tom Petty hit the stage the couple were both smoking joints and living in
the moment. My cop mother was laughing and singing with me all night. She was
living in the moment too. Don’t get me wrong, I was as well. I know all the
details and everything. The best thing about imprinting is when the amazing one’s
stick. If I relax enough, I can relive it. Smell the smells, hear the things,
feel the living of it…………. My guess is it must be a punishment to having
greatness; because even remembering some moments of horrific things felt just at
the same intensity that you wish you could dispel are right there too.
I’ve also been really craving some tattoos. Still need to
get the matching tattoo with my oldest daughter. I do though want a shit ton
more. My work schedule will be getting much busier so I’m looking forward to
that coming up. I’m back on Keto so I’m a little bit grumpier then normal. It
should pass in a week. Trying to keep up with going tanning. That’s always a
mood booster. My ASHWAGANDHA can only do so much.
Until next time.
