Honor thy Father

I know a lot of people that planned their lives out to the "T": Even down to when to have a child. Whether you planned it or gifted to be a parent, you can't plan how it will completely change your whole perception on planning. Hell, it changes everything. The day your own child is born your heart immediately triples in size. Your emotions, your planning, or whatever will all be either overwhelmed or completely off balanced. The things we do share are that second they are born, You are a Mother. You are a Father. You are no longer just you.

Today is Father's day. Besides from Mother's day, it is a day of celebration but maybe not the way you might have been perceiving it this whole time. This is day of honoring those that not only were gifted with their titles, but earned them. Staying up at all hours of the night changing diapers, or sitting by the phone waiting on your teenager to check in so you know they are okay. Those moments where you look at your own parents and finally have that instant click of understanding what you may have put your own parents through while growing up.

I personally remember growing up and thinking that my parents were so strict on me. I felt like I was always in a sheltered bubble and didn't know why. As a parent now and being an adult, I finally get it. Love is shown in so many forms. We are blinded when we think that as a kid we are being controlled but in reality it is just love. I guess what I mean by that is when we all become parents, we officially are responsible for them for the rest of their lives. We brought them into the world and it is our duty to be the best we can even if we may screw things up from time to time. We carry out actions all based maybe on fear but it comes from our hearts which means love. We protect because of love.

My father is truly an amazing, patient man. Especially for putting up with me. He had things easy with my sister. I was the challenging one and possibly well not possibly...I am still the challenging one. His guidance still leads me through my life even though I'm a parent myself. As you all may know now, I just lost my mother so now he is all I have left. Even though I may not have asked him to be there for me, he was and still is. Still checking on me and my sister. Still being our father and looking at us as his babies. Protecting us as much as he can and trying to help heal our pain. So today, the whole day, I get to honor him. I get to have another day to remind him how much he has made me a better person, a better parent because he was always there whenever I needed him. Thank you will never be enough for as many times he has helped me through the good and the bad of my life.

Today I also get to honor my husband. We were gifted with five amazing kids. I still remember after having our first daughter, I was scared of her. He taught me everything I knew on how to be a mother. He reassured me everyday that I wasn't screwing up and I was doing everything right. He taught me to change a diaper, to even give her a bath. He taught me that I was okay to be scared but also to be proud. He shaped me into the mother I am. We both of course parent our kids together but he is the glue to our family. He helps mold us into place. Without him, we would all be lost. My husband cooks and cleans and does laundry. How many wives can say that? Ha Ha!  I am definitely lucky and so is my kids.

Father's sometimes feel just like mother's do too that they are sometime not good enough. Today is the day to remind them of all the wonderful things that they have done to show them that not only are they good enough, they are more than enough. We all have thoughts that "I should have done this instead" or "I just totally messed up my kid"......we are not perfect. We are human. If we love whole hearted then we did good. It is just sometimes, we need to remind each other of that. That is what Mother's day and Father's Day is about. Reminding them of their importance in our lives. Their influences that made us better people. Not a day about showering someone with a crap ton of gifts and call it a day. Don't get me wrong though about presents because they are awesome to get but just because its a day that recognizes Mother's or Father's doesn't mean that is the definition.

So instead of investing your energy on which golf balls to pick out, invest in your heart and memories that you have. Remind your father today whether they are with us now or not on their importance in your life. How did your father shape you into the person you are today? Even though Thank Yous will never be enough.....reminding them they are appreciated for everything they do if you don't do it on a regular basis then today is your day.

Vick D. West...a week later

One week ago, or should I say last Thursday, my mother was just in my house. Sitting at my kitchen table with me and my kiddos. We were eating pizza, celebrating my youngest daughter's birthday. We wrapped up the evening singing songs and had lots of laughs.

My mother was such an amazing grandmother. I am thankful that they have that memory of her. That was the last time they hugged and kissed her. Just last week.

Here I am my mother's daughter and I can't even hold it together in the way my kids are. They maybe young, but they know grandma is an Angel now. To see my baby girl wrap herself on my mother laying in the casket crying out her heart and professing her love was the bravest thing I have ever seen a 7 year old little girl do. Everyday since my mother's unexpected death, she hasn't stopped playing with the dollhouse my mother brought to her that last night we saw her.

For my mother's memorial, I did speak a little. I couldn't get out everything I had written. I made sure I wore the leopard scarf she made me. When everyone else left, I was able to have a moment alone with her. I know she isn't in pain anymore and she is in a good place but I couldn't leave her. I braided her hair. I prayed and prayed. But my mommy is gone.

The Fraternal Order of Eagles Club my mom and I were apart of provided such an amazing gathering afterwards. They were my mother's second family. The lady's auxiliary are my mother's sisters. Such amazing people. My sister and I will be eternally grateful for all of what they have done.

I'm not going to lie, this week has felt like a month long. It is never ending. Even with my mom gone, there is still a walk of hell my sister and I have to go through.

I wanted to end with one last thing. If it didn't tear me up so much last night, I would have wrote this sooner. Saying goodnight to all my kiddos with lots of hugs and extra kisses just like my husband and I do every night. When it was Zoey's turn, she came and sat next to me and just said this: " Your mom said she is very proud of you and she loves you ever so much". For those of you that don't know, Zoey of course is my daughter, but she also has classical autism. Her communication skills are not anywhere close to where they should be....but she is make tremendous progress. When she said those things and a couple other things that I'm not going to post: It was clear and calm. I don't even think a cricket chirped. I told Zoey to tell me when grandma said anything else and Zoey said of course and kissed me and went to bed.

I'm grateful to all you wonderful friends and family for your support and love and help. I have my memories, just like you have yours. Memories are such an incredible gift to have.