One week ago, or should I say last Thursday, my mother was just in my house. Sitting at my kitchen table with me and my kiddos. We were eating pizza, celebrating my youngest daughter's birthday. We wrapped up the evening singing songs and had lots of laughs.
My mother was such an amazing grandmother. I am thankful that they have that memory of her. That was the last time they hugged and kissed her. Just last week.
Here I am my mother's daughter and I can't even hold it together in the way my kids are. They maybe young, but they know grandma is an Angel now. To see my baby girl wrap herself on my mother laying in the casket crying out her heart and professing her love was the bravest thing I have ever seen a 7 year old little girl do. Everyday since my mother's unexpected death, she hasn't stopped playing with the dollhouse my mother brought to her that last night we saw her.
For my mother's memorial, I did speak a little. I couldn't get out everything I had written. I made sure I wore the leopard scarf she made me. When everyone else left, I was able to have a moment alone with her. I know she isn't in pain anymore and she is in a good place but I couldn't leave her. I braided her hair. I prayed and prayed. But my mommy is gone.
The Fraternal Order of Eagles Club my mom and I were apart of provided such an amazing gathering afterwards. They were my mother's second family. The lady's auxiliary are my mother's sisters. Such amazing people. My sister and I will be eternally grateful for all of what they have done.
I'm not going to lie, this week has felt like a month long. It is never ending. Even with my mom gone, there is still a walk of hell my sister and I have to go through.
I wanted to end with one last thing. If it didn't tear me up so much last night, I would have wrote this sooner. Saying goodnight to all my kiddos with lots of hugs and extra kisses just like my husband and I do every night. When it was Zoey's turn, she came and sat next to me and just said this: " Your mom said she is very proud of you and she loves you ever so much". For those of you that don't know, Zoey of course is my daughter, but she also has classical autism. Her communication skills are not anywhere close to where they should be....but she is make tremendous progress. When she said those things and a couple other things that I'm not going to post: It was clear and calm. I don't even think a cricket chirped. I told Zoey to tell me when grandma said anything else and Zoey said of course and kissed me and went to bed.
I'm grateful to all you wonderful friends and family for your support and love and help. I have my memories, just like you have yours. Memories are such an incredible gift to have.
My mother was such an amazing grandmother. I am thankful that they have that memory of her. That was the last time they hugged and kissed her. Just last week.
Here I am my mother's daughter and I can't even hold it together in the way my kids are. They maybe young, but they know grandma is an Angel now. To see my baby girl wrap herself on my mother laying in the casket crying out her heart and professing her love was the bravest thing I have ever seen a 7 year old little girl do. Everyday since my mother's unexpected death, she hasn't stopped playing with the dollhouse my mother brought to her that last night we saw her.
For my mother's memorial, I did speak a little. I couldn't get out everything I had written. I made sure I wore the leopard scarf she made me. When everyone else left, I was able to have a moment alone with her. I know she isn't in pain anymore and she is in a good place but I couldn't leave her. I braided her hair. I prayed and prayed. But my mommy is gone.
The Fraternal Order of Eagles Club my mom and I were apart of provided such an amazing gathering afterwards. They were my mother's second family. The lady's auxiliary are my mother's sisters. Such amazing people. My sister and I will be eternally grateful for all of what they have done.
I'm not going to lie, this week has felt like a month long. It is never ending. Even with my mom gone, there is still a walk of hell my sister and I have to go through.
I wanted to end with one last thing. If it didn't tear me up so much last night, I would have wrote this sooner. Saying goodnight to all my kiddos with lots of hugs and extra kisses just like my husband and I do every night. When it was Zoey's turn, she came and sat next to me and just said this: " Your mom said she is very proud of you and she loves you ever so much". For those of you that don't know, Zoey of course is my daughter, but she also has classical autism. Her communication skills are not anywhere close to where they should be....but she is make tremendous progress. When she said those things and a couple other things that I'm not going to post: It was clear and calm. I don't even think a cricket chirped. I told Zoey to tell me when grandma said anything else and Zoey said of course and kissed me and went to bed.
I'm grateful to all you wonderful friends and family for your support and love and help. I have my memories, just like you have yours. Memories are such an incredible gift to have.
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