Honor thy Father

I know a lot of people that planned their lives out to the "T": Even down to when to have a child. Whether you planned it or gifted to be a parent, you can't plan how it will completely change your whole perception on planning. Hell, it changes everything. The day your own child is born your heart immediately triples in size. Your emotions, your planning, or whatever will all be either overwhelmed or completely off balanced. The things we do share are that second they are born, You are a Mother. You are a Father. You are no longer just you.

Today is Father's day. Besides from Mother's day, it is a day of celebration but maybe not the way you might have been perceiving it this whole time. This is day of honoring those that not only were gifted with their titles, but earned them. Staying up at all hours of the night changing diapers, or sitting by the phone waiting on your teenager to check in so you know they are okay. Those moments where you look at your own parents and finally have that instant click of understanding what you may have put your own parents through while growing up.

I personally remember growing up and thinking that my parents were so strict on me. I felt like I was always in a sheltered bubble and didn't know why. As a parent now and being an adult, I finally get it. Love is shown in so many forms. We are blinded when we think that as a kid we are being controlled but in reality it is just love. I guess what I mean by that is when we all become parents, we officially are responsible for them for the rest of their lives. We brought them into the world and it is our duty to be the best we can even if we may screw things up from time to time. We carry out actions all based maybe on fear but it comes from our hearts which means love. We protect because of love.

My father is truly an amazing, patient man. Especially for putting up with me. He had things easy with my sister. I was the challenging one and possibly well not possibly...I am still the challenging one. His guidance still leads me through my life even though I'm a parent myself. As you all may know now, I just lost my mother so now he is all I have left. Even though I may not have asked him to be there for me, he was and still is. Still checking on me and my sister. Still being our father and looking at us as his babies. Protecting us as much as he can and trying to help heal our pain. So today, the whole day, I get to honor him. I get to have another day to remind him how much he has made me a better person, a better parent because he was always there whenever I needed him. Thank you will never be enough for as many times he has helped me through the good and the bad of my life.

Today I also get to honor my husband. We were gifted with five amazing kids. I still remember after having our first daughter, I was scared of her. He taught me everything I knew on how to be a mother. He reassured me everyday that I wasn't screwing up and I was doing everything right. He taught me to change a diaper, to even give her a bath. He taught me that I was okay to be scared but also to be proud. He shaped me into the mother I am. We both of course parent our kids together but he is the glue to our family. He helps mold us into place. Without him, we would all be lost. My husband cooks and cleans and does laundry. How many wives can say that? Ha Ha!  I am definitely lucky and so is my kids.

Father's sometimes feel just like mother's do too that they are sometime not good enough. Today is the day to remind them of all the wonderful things that they have done to show them that not only are they good enough, they are more than enough. We all have thoughts that "I should have done this instead" or "I just totally messed up my kid"......we are not perfect. We are human. If we love whole hearted then we did good. It is just sometimes, we need to remind each other of that. That is what Mother's day and Father's Day is about. Reminding them of their importance in our lives. Their influences that made us better people. Not a day about showering someone with a crap ton of gifts and call it a day. Don't get me wrong though about presents because they are awesome to get but just because its a day that recognizes Mother's or Father's doesn't mean that is the definition.

So instead of investing your energy on which golf balls to pick out, invest in your heart and memories that you have. Remind your father today whether they are with us now or not on their importance in your life. How did your father shape you into the person you are today? Even though Thank Yous will never be enough.....reminding them they are appreciated for everything they do if you don't do it on a regular basis then today is your day.

Vick D. West...a week later

One week ago, or should I say last Thursday, my mother was just in my house. Sitting at my kitchen table with me and my kiddos. We were eating pizza, celebrating my youngest daughter's birthday. We wrapped up the evening singing songs and had lots of laughs.

My mother was such an amazing grandmother. I am thankful that they have that memory of her. That was the last time they hugged and kissed her. Just last week.

Here I am my mother's daughter and I can't even hold it together in the way my kids are. They maybe young, but they know grandma is an Angel now. To see my baby girl wrap herself on my mother laying in the casket crying out her heart and professing her love was the bravest thing I have ever seen a 7 year old little girl do. Everyday since my mother's unexpected death, she hasn't stopped playing with the dollhouse my mother brought to her that last night we saw her.

For my mother's memorial, I did speak a little. I couldn't get out everything I had written. I made sure I wore the leopard scarf she made me. When everyone else left, I was able to have a moment alone with her. I know she isn't in pain anymore and she is in a good place but I couldn't leave her. I braided her hair. I prayed and prayed. But my mommy is gone.

The Fraternal Order of Eagles Club my mom and I were apart of provided such an amazing gathering afterwards. They were my mother's second family. The lady's auxiliary are my mother's sisters. Such amazing people. My sister and I will be eternally grateful for all of what they have done.

I'm not going to lie, this week has felt like a month long. It is never ending. Even with my mom gone, there is still a walk of hell my sister and I have to go through.

I wanted to end with one last thing. If it didn't tear me up so much last night, I would have wrote this sooner. Saying goodnight to all my kiddos with lots of hugs and extra kisses just like my husband and I do every night. When it was Zoey's turn, she came and sat next to me and just said this: " Your mom said she is very proud of you and she loves you ever so much". For those of you that don't know, Zoey of course is my daughter, but she also has classical autism. Her communication skills are not anywhere close to where they should be....but she is make tremendous progress. When she said those things and a couple other things that I'm not going to post: It was clear and calm. I don't even think a cricket chirped. I told Zoey to tell me when grandma said anything else and Zoey said of course and kissed me and went to bed.

I'm grateful to all you wonderful friends and family for your support and love and help. I have my memories, just like you have yours. Memories are such an incredible gift to have.

My mom

My mother....My amazing mother is gone. I don't even know if it really has sunk in or not. I just saw her on Thursday. She came over because it was my youngest daughters Birthday the following day. We ate pizza and talked and sang songs. Now all I have left to hear are the three voicemails from her I hadn't deleted yet.....pictures to see her by. Just like that. She left us this morning. Some time between 4-6 am...... I didn't hear the first time my phone went off when her husband was calling. But I answered an hour late. He said it. He said she was gone and went in her sleep in her bed. Just like that. I'm still crumbling inside thinking of that moment. That didn't just happen. But it did. My sister currently lives in Tennessee and they are an hour behind. My sister apparently had her phone on vibrate. I luckily after an hour of calling over and over got her husband awake to wake her. Then I had to tell her. It was the first time I said she was dead. She was gone. Out loud........

I am very grateful for my friends and family that have reached out. I just don't know what to say or do. Hell I went to the funeral home thinking that was what I was supposed to do but they were closed. Had to call the Director of the place to be guided on what I was even to do or what my next steps are. Still not really much clearer then what I knew prior to making that call. I still don't know how to act or handle these spastic and uncontrollable emotions. 

My kids are doing okay, but yet again they are still pretty young to fully understand. Except my oldest. I can't really even tell how she is doing because I can't even figure out how I am even doing. I guess that is why I am writing. Then again I don't even know if I am making any sense to even been understood. 

This isn't supposed to happen yet. My mom has had chron's disease since I was born in 1981. It's been a long battle to deal with but she was dealing with it. She also had sleep apnea but apparently she wasn't using her machine last night? I don't know what happened. All I know is God took her because it was time even though I don't want it to be. The person I talked to about everything and helped guide me through my life isn't here to guide me. 

Tomorrow morning my sis and I and my mother's husband will sit with the Funeral Director. I guess I will know more when that happens. I just want to see her. I don't know what my reaction would be but I want to. If I would have moved a little quicker with my reaction this morning and went straight to the house I could have saw her then. I couldn't move though. They will let me see her right? I don't know how this works. 

Well....I don't know what else to write. I just miss my mom. I want her back and accepting the fact that she is gone well is not acceptable. 

I can't do this.......

#FML....um no. Live your Life

Are you ever guaranteed your dreams? No. but you can try. You need to dream to live. Whether you realize it or not, your mind and soul are on a mission by the choices that you make. Now when you learn from your mistakes and achievements is when it is possible to achieve those dreams of yours.

You have to try. If you never try at love, you won't ever know its feeling. The greatness of love. You can't forget the greatness of pain either. They come with love. The yin and the yang...aka the good and the bad. It comes with everything. Even in your dreams. Successes will always have their downfalls, and lost battles will create a drive for success.

When you have a disapproval of one person, it could be your driver to be the best you can be all because of a feeling. That feeling of letting that one person know that you ARE cable of being the best of your goals and not the disappointment that they may look at you as with one or two failures.

#FML....your opening the door whether you like it or not to have more than one person look at you with less respect and/or disapproval of what you are doing.  I'm told all the time by family and friends to watch what I say in any circumstance including social media. I know they already know by now, they say one thing and I will automatically do another or what I was told not to do in the first place. I admit it. Everyone has seen it or felt it. I'm not hiding it. I'm not denying it. Don't jump.....as I jump repeatedly just to see your reaction. It motivates me. Now is each motivation a positive one? Nope. I live and learn just like the rest of you. Sometimes I think the people that know me best try to put me in entrapment. They have come very close to shutting me down. I still find my way. My dreams are still there and growing and becoming brighter. My motivation for achievement may be for just the feeling of proving someone wrong but at the same time to feel that accomplishment that I can say, "I did it!".

I don't need people to believe in me but I will admit it does help with some situations. Especially when it comes to my goals in my career. Its so frustrating when I see myself being someone great, and then have people second and third my thought and then there is one person that is my wall. A wall created because they think they know me but never took the chance to really know who I was and their influence level is a big fucking wall that I can't even chisel through. Enter the hashtag #FML. But that would be silly. Is my life really horrible? Nope. I have a hurdle and the incapacity to jump it for the moment. I'm not giving up. It drives me nuts seeing this hash tag aka reference all over the social sites. When you use it....I think it should be only when you are incapable of jumping the hurdle. Just because you can't figure your way yet doesn't mean you won't so don't act like you can't.

When working in hospitals, I had to make myself visually reset after a bad moment or day. Its a quick fix to walk in a SICU or MICU to see and hear the stories of how people are in those positions. Waiting on a liver and have two days to live...was walking down the street to work and was hit by a random car and now have no legs......burned over 75% of their body because their husband didn't like what she made for dinner and that child that took a doctor prescribed antibiotic for an infection and turned out to be allergic to penicillin and every layer of their skin is falling off their body. That's where the #FML should be. Not on a day because you didn't get your way or you got a speeding ticket.

You may think you have it bad, but I bet you everything that someone is having it way worse. I'm not saying don't be negative. Be true to your emotions. If you feel something........ let it out. Just watch your hash tags and I won't be so judgemental. Yes...I'm judgemental. Just like you are and everyone else. A good Catholic girl would advise judgment is only allowed by the Almighty God. But I'm not going to sin and lie and say I won't question you when I know for a fact when I give a reason to be judged.....I will be.

So the message of all this? Go for what you want. Use whatever you may need to get there. Criticism for drive, pissing someone off for motivation......letting someone down because you understand the power you have over them..... I can go on. You make your life what it is based on what you want not what others see for you. Just don't drown yourself with a wall of #FML when you have the power to blast through that wall. Use your head, your heart, your pain, your love, your drive. You will find your way through. Don't be that statistic that I judge and everyone else will too.

Brittany Maynard. Dying with Dignity? Or Suicide

29 year old, Brittany Maynard, her husband and her Mother made the choice to move to the state of Oregon for the sole purpose to undergo medical care for her Terminal  Fatal Brain Cancer. The treatment she sought out was a prescription that would allow her to end her own life at any time. Physicians in that state and only two other states allow this process to happen. It has be a script to be filled at a pharmacy and it has to be self medicated. No one else but the patient for whom it is prescribed to may administer it. She took her own life on Saturday, November 1st.

Her story hit the news and social media markets because of how public she made her position on "Dying with Dignity" and having that right to. It was her last wish to die on her own terms. She was granted that wish.

Just like anyone else suffering with anything terminal medically, we all want to have that option to have as many good days vs. the bad ones. Science and Medicine are constantly changing and creating outstanding advancements. Hence the reason why pharmacology is not only my specialty, but my love of work.

There are so many people that don't have the option that Brittany has, and honestly I really don't think that they should. I honestly don't understand how this law was passed in any state. No matter how you look at it, its suicide. You are taking your own life not matter how you look at it. She got a script. Some people use a gun or a knife or walk into a train. Maybe my faith is taking over here by being Catholic, but we are all gifted with a opportunity to make the best of the time we have been given on this earth. We don't have an expiration date. Only God has that for us. Doctors may give a diagnostic for 2 weeks or 4 months to live but that's just based on science analogy and how fast the terminal illness populates.  No one wants to end this earth without doing everything we want to do or what we think we have to do. Let alone I highly doubt that anyone wants a long excruciating painful death either.

With Brittany's illness, she was suffering. I will never know how bad that pain was for her and I will never question her on that. We all deal with pain differently. Some have a very high tolerance to pain and a lot don't.

We have Hospice to help ease those challenges faced with certain ailments. That to me is dying with dignity. I just don't agree with the right of having our own choice to take our life. Medically guided or not. Every thing that we go through in life teaches us a lesson that we are supposed to learn from and if we have the opportunity to, we grow from it. Brittany did create awareness of issue that she is passionate and I do praise her for doing so. Sharing the whole world her last few months of life and raising awareness for her cause.

I know the question that many people have that why is God only there for some people? Why does he allow suffering and cancer and all these bad people out there doing horrible things to other people. Why are people murdered and why is a 3 year old little girl with the same brain cancer as what Brittany had in Children's hospital battling harder than I could as an adult. Says she has faith in God and his plan for her. Even if it will only be three and half years of her life on this earth and with her family. We are not supposed to understand everything.

I also want to make it clear that I am not passing judgement on Brittany and her choice. I just pass judgement on the specific role of voluntarily taking your own life. I get the power of medicine and the power of God cross paths many many times. My optimism of hoping with all the advancements we made in medicine that there will be cure for all forms of cancer. The evil duplicating cells that destroy a person from the inside out. My family was lucky. My husband had Stage 4 Fast Spreading Malignant Melanoma. After surgeries, he became Cancer free by the doctors and my belief by the Grace of God.

So I guess I will end with this. Brittany, I'm so glad you are no longer suffering, may your family and friend find peace with all of this.

Signing off forever ProLife.

What Lies Beneath.....Michael Brown.

Everyone has a voice. Only certain people know how to use it properly. We all have an opinion, but not all of us have the facts. The Truth.

Have you ever thought about the statement, "The Truth Lies Within" ?

Police investigators, students and teachers look for evidence to show proof of what you see and learn to be true. The reality of it when you are trying to figure out or try to understand why someone did or said something, you will never really know what lies within. You see the surface if you are lucky.

You see what you to see and know what you want to know. When media and tabloids get a hold of a story they show you what they want to exploit. It is never everything. My husband stated a great point: Everything is an illusion. The truth gets twisted and turned in so many ways that surface I was talking about is the only thing you have left.

Here is some examples that hopefully you might understand where I am coming from:

This story is recent and I have seen opinions flying and floating everywhere. Opinions have been shared even when that person is contradicting what they are saying. People of different entities, stature, placement, race, and even including those that are standing on their own stool or high horse.

So let us start with you watching this video:

Suspect with Michael Brown, His Witness Testimony

Now I want you to listen to it more than once. Listen to every word this kid says. First he says, the officer never said freeze, but at the end of the video he says that and I quote, "When he says freeze again,"..... He contradicts his story many times, but since he was in the media, he emphasized "shot like a dog". "shot because two black men walking down the middle of street by a white officer.".

Now I want you to watch this:

Full Video of Michael Brown and Friend Robbery along with more news

Please note in this robbery, this was done just a few minutes prior to Michael's death. A police report was released of the suspects as soon as the store owner called it in. According to the media, the officer that alleged shot Michael wasn't aware of the release of suspects information.
But also, please note in this video, Michael stole numerous cigars before leaving the scene along with his friend in the above video, stormed the clerk twice, plus place his hands around the clerk to be more of a threat to that clerk.

In just my opinion when I have heard on the news and what I have read so far on just this incident, Many people have said he was a good boy. Never did anything wrong. This video shows something quite different than the definition of a "good boy" that I have learned growing up, but yet again that is just my opinion.

Now here is the final video and story for this incident:

http://clashdaily.com/2014/08/new-evidence-eye-witness-mike-brown-shooting-states-brown-doubled-back-toward-police/

While watching the video you do hear many people screaming shouting different things, but you also hear a witness that actually was present during this scene taking place that explains in almost the same exact detail that the officer that shot the victim of what happened and reported for this event of explanation of what did happened.

So now we have three different videos, one a robbery a few minutes before, the friend of the victim involved in the robbery and was with the victim at the time of shooting, and the final video showing explicit detail of the situation but most importantly a witness explaining to others of exactly what happened because he was there.

So, what lies beneath all this? We have evidence, some facts, witnesses, a white cop that shot a black man.............
All of this display is just scratching the surface of what really happened. But to have a witness in the last video saying at first he thought it was another gang shooting but then realized differently when Mr. Brown was doubling back at the officer in full speed after trying to take the officer's handgun, ignoring all officers commands, was then shot dead.

Heck, I have even heard people say in regards to the officer that made the life ending shots to this man, should be imprisoned. Especially with one of the victims friends and/or family members so he won't live to see tomorrow.

Now go back and read what I just wrote. A black man wrote that comment on the first release of the video of the friend that was with Mr. Brown at the time speaking on how his friend was shot down like a dog after the officer yelled freeze twice...........So a black man is basically already saying that the group of friends and family of Mr. Brown are already in Jail? But his family states that he was a good boy? I'm just confused.
I don't understand why this is a Black/White thing again? Not everything in this world is racial. Its the media and the society of where certain people live and believe twist things to be racist.

No matter what I say or post or show evidence or show opinions of, media has about as much information as you and I do and the only people that really know and understand what happened is the victim on why he made the choices he did that day and that officer that made the decision to use deadly force.

I personally have been jumped and robbed from a white male. Raped by a Black Male. Just had five white teenagers set off bombs in a desired upper class part of town. People are good. But they all have some bad in them. White, Black, yellow....I don't care. Violence is violence. Making things worse and turning it into a racial thing shows me Martin Luther King Jr. didn't really do much but share a dream for only half of the world to listen and understand. 

To Vaccinate or not to Vaccinate your child?

There was a link a week or so ago that was traveling over Facebook that of course caught my attention. I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to respond the way I wanted. Plus now that I keep searching for that link, I can't find it to connect with what all I have to say next. So let's summarize:

The articles had videos along with statics reports that kept identifying that there is no proof that there is any link whatsoever with vaccinations and Autism. Also, it influenced that because of parents trying to avoid at all costs for having a child that is Autistic, they choose to not vaccinate their children. I call Bullshit. :)

I'm going to start with those parents out there that are not vaccinating their children. So listen up!! You are IGNORANT. Yes I just said that to you. I'm a mother of not just one but two children on the spectrum. And I know for a fact that in my family's cases that the Vaccination process, specifically the MMR Vaccine AND the amount of frequency of other vaccinations at that time were given caused my daughter Zoey to have "Classical Autism". But you also need to know this as well: genetics was a cause too.
The combination of the genetics of myself and my husband, calculate as well as the environment we live and that multitude of other vaccines my daughter got that day including the MMR that had the preservative in it that contains Mercury caused her Autism.

I have five kids all together. My oldest, I did the same vaccinations in the order that I did with Zoey. But Zoey obtained Autism....Kymberly didn't.

After learning and studying more about vaccinations and of course my pharmacy background helping me understand medications and vaccinations helped as well. It isn't the vaccinations we need to be scared of. Here in Ohio, there has been a huge Mumps outbreak. Main cause is because many families today are not vaccinating their children. We have an outbreak that we medically eliminated because of vaccinations and now because people just hear one thing, they expose a long line of threat.
Do I believe parents have the right to chose to do whatever is medically necessary for their children as they see fit? Of course. Why should a government have to control another thing about what we do? Everything though has a reason.
You need to still vaccinate your kids. This shouldn't be a question. This shouldn't be an option. What you should be questioning and looking for certain options is to see what ways this can be done safer and not have that 50/50 chance of vaccination autism.

I shared this a long time ago and I personally have my children on the same vaccination schedule. I make other adjustments as well....but the end result is always that they still obtain all their vaccinations.

Whether the drug companies want to see it or not, vaccines has linked an increase to Autism diagnosis. We need our vaccines to stay safe...they just need to be administered in a different way.
Here are the steps I follow. Feel free to take this into your doctors office. This guideline has been created by DAN Doctors.

Please also know that Vaccines ARE NEEDED! Don't not have them...just follow a different schedule to administer. 

DAN! (Defeat Autism NOW!) Vaccination Guidelines:

1. Use Thimersol / Mercury free vaccines!!
The only way to know for sure a vaccine is mercury/thimersol free is to
read the insert yourself! Many doctors still have mercury/thimersol
vaccines sitting in the refrigerators! And yes, mercury /thimersol
containing vaccines are still being made!! Be sure to be 100% sure!

2. Do not vaccinate newborns.

3. Avoid re-immunization with a vaccine after a previous bad reaction.

4. NEVER vaccinate ill children or children recovering from an infection.

5. Space vaccines - do not give multiple vaccines in 1 day.
(THAT INCLUDES vaccines that have multiple viruses! Split them up!)

6. Use single dose vials from which to draw up the vaccines as opposed
to multiple-dose vials which provide less uniform dosage.

7. Use inactivated polio. (the shot, not the drops)

8. Give RDA (Recommended Daily Allowances) of Vitamin C before and
after vaccines

9. Give a natural form of Vitamin A ( cod liver oil ) to keep RDA's at
level at all times for the age.

10. Separate the MMR into 3...start with measles at 12-15 months, then
mumps at 18-21 months, rubella at 24-27 months.

11. Do not give live virus vaccines to immunodeficient children.

12. Do not give vaccines if allergic to any of these components:
i. Yeast - Hep B
ii. Eggs - MMR
iii. Neonycian - MMR or Varicella

13. Hold off on the Varicella until 10-12 years & if the child is shown not
immune to Chicken pox.

14. Checking vaccine titers before giving boosters (Most people are
immune after one dose. We continue to get multiple doses that MAY
NOT BE NEEDED. Have them check antibody levels via titres blood
test.)

RECOMMENDED READING:
A great book for all parents / grandparents: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About
Children's Vaccinations by Stephanie, Md. Cave, Deborah Mitchell (Contributor) (Paperback -
September 2001)

Once I find that link I will have that along with a more in depth synopsis of what these people are portraying.